Monday Meltdown

I am currently working on a post about his birthday but something happened today that made me put that on hold & write this.

Today was Martin Luther King Day...and thus, the schools were closed. Now, Hunter loves his routine. It's something all autistic kids have in common to some degree. They may be all over the place with other traits & similarities, but all autistic kids love their routine. Well...ok, I don't know all autistic kids in the entire universe, but from what I've read, it's the one similarity you can bank on. So I was kind of dreading today, because he gets confused when he has days off from school. Last night was his birthday party, and he said as I was tucking him in, "School tomorrow?" "No, baby, no school tomorrow." So that must mean it's Friday because Friday night means no school the next day. "Gymnastics tomorrow?" "No, tomorrow is just a day off." He seemed to sort of understand but not really, and he soon fell asleep. This morning, I woke to the sounds of one of his new toys, a SWAT helicopter with realistic sounds (oh, such a fun alarm!), and I smiled sleepily because new toys means mama gets to sleep in a bit later.

He was happy all day, playing in his new bouncy castle (a joint gift from Rob's parents & mine), patiently sitting in his little Toy Story chair while the castle inflated, happily bouncing away, coming inside to do puzzles now and then or play on his Ipad. Lunch & nap arrived and he happily went to play in his room. I was desperate for a nap, as I've been super stressed out the past month and for some reason today it just kind of hit me and I was just exhausted. I had a most disgustingly unhealthy lunch of leftover Little Caesar's pizza & cupcakes (Damn you Target for your delicious mini cupcakes...and damn you people for RSVPing & not showing up...I have so many extra cupcakes!). Hunter refused to sleep, but played happily for a couple of hours. He always has quiet time, even if he doesn't nap & even when he doesn't sleep, it's a rare day that he doesn't enjoy having his quiet time for at least two hours or more, Then he was done & demanded to be let out of his room.

And then it went downhill. He wanted "pa-sert". This is dessert in Hunter speak. I told him that no, he gets dessert after his dinner. He cried, wanting a chocolate Santa or a chocolate crunchy (the first is those foil wrapped Christmas chocolates you can find at Walmart, the second is Whoppers), and when I continued to say no, he had a couple of mini tantrums, which he was sent to time out for. Hunter doesn't get sent to time out often, because, for the most part, he listens well and is remarkably well behaved for a child of his age. Really, he is. I'm not someone who likes bratty children and refuse to raise my son to be a spoiled little brat who can get away with whatever he wants to. Autism or not. Now, that being said, we are a bit more lenient in some areas than parents with non-special needs kids may be, but he's a good kid & he behaves well.

He asked for dinner earlier than his normal 6, so at 5pm, I gave him some cheese pizza. I was prepared when he asked for dessert, as that's his routine. One small chocolate bell later and he was happy. Thirty minutes later and he was beyond pissed. It was time for his bath and he wanted to do puzzles. He didn't want me playing on his Ipad. He was tired and needed to go to sleep. The tantrum devolved quickly into a meltdown. Now, a tantrum is very different from a meltdown. Here is a VERY basic breakdown of tantrum vs meltdown: A tantrum is what a child (and sometimes an adult) does when they don't get their way, and they look at you for a reaction. A child having a meltdown does not look at you for a reaction. They could care less if you're even in the room, if they hurt themselves, etc.

The only way to calm Hunter down from a meltdown is for me to hold him as tight as I can until his body and his mind can reset and calm down. If I let him go, he goes into a rage and just destroys whatever is in his path. Think Tasmanian Devil. Seriously. He cannot help himself and just destroys. Then he gets incredibly agitated and is in tears because he's made a mess. It's heartbreaking. And no, it's NOT a case of him needing more discipline. So I held him. Now, I'm not the strongest person in the world, and to hold a nearly 40 lb child, who is out of control, flailing his limbs...is HARD. It is physically, and emotionally exhausting. He hits, he kicks, he screams. Sometimes he bangs his head into my face. He can't control himself. It's so heartbreaking. And this is how strong he is: I was holding him and he was bucking his body so hard, it was moving ME across the floor. I had to scoot to the carpeted hallway just so I could brace my feet against the bathroom door as an anchor. We stripped him down and put him in the bath, thinking that might help calm him down. It didn't. He threw every bath toy out of the bath, splashing water everywhere, becoming enraged even further. I took him out when he started scooping handfuls of water out of the tub and flinging them across the room. The floor had puddles of water in the places where we didn't have towels down, and the rugs and towels were sopping wet.

Almost immediately, he calmed down, and was his happy normal self just minutes later. It's like a light bulb had been switched off. This is not his worst meltdown, by far. He's had them last 45 minutes or longer. And he's now in bed, passed out, and we're about to watch a movie and have dinner. I just hope he has a better day tomorrow.